The man for whom I wish I was named died this last Christmas Eve. You all know who I’m talking about - James Brown, the hardest working man in show business, the Godfather of Soul.

Former President Gerald Ford also died over the holidays, but which death, I ask you, is more profound? That of a man who pardoned Richard Nixon, or of that man who brought us “Sex Machine”?

Let us never forget, as we listen to the funky kick drums of our modern R&B, how much we owe to the Godfather of Soul. I’m sure he’s in heaven right now, fining musicians who miss notes, wearing a bright sequined cape, and evading arrest in a cop care chase on tire rims.

I’d also like to encourage everyone here to learn a 7-9 chord progression over this New Year’s weekend to honor the man - those are the only chords I personally can play on guitar, at this point.

Best wishes,
James

It’s been a tough month for your favorite fascist pop band leader. A tough, real-estate centered month. I could rant about it for hours on end… but wouldn’t you rather read about my predicament from the publication that prints all the news what’s fit to print?

NY Times Article: Only the Strongest Survive

Brokers = vultures. Craig’s List respondees = sheep. I = mad as hell, not gonna take it anymore. Need a drink.

So. What’s supposed to be a moderate-to-huge Democratic sweep of Congress is coming up, and some hopeful Republicans are harkening to the Iraq Study Group headed by James Baker III as some sort of moderate beacon in the wilderness, a sort of enlightened alternative to George W. Bush.

My question to you is: has James Baker EVER faced anything on the scale of Iraq?

The answer is a clear “no”. He has never done such a thing. Nor has he ever, really, presided over a difficult decision. Is he sane, compared to Rumsfeld et al? Sure. Yeah. Fine. Is he a statesman? Well… he ain’t no Truman. I’m not even sure he’s a John Foster Dulles. I think he’s just >not totally insane<. Which is a contrast from our current "team'.

But can he do a single thing to pull our ass out of the fire in Iraq? Well... no. Not unless he's willing to put the $100+ we need to really make Iraq happen like we fixed up Germany, Japan and France after WWII. And he isn't. He just wants to hole the course like we did in Latin America during the Reagan era.

But this ain't the Reagan era. We're not facing a decrepit, declining nation state. We're facing colonial war, not as invaders but as occupiers. James Baker ain't gonna save us.

The Clinton admininstration is very, very misunderstood. It's often credited wth sound economic policy and poor foreign policy. Actually, the reverse is true. Clinton sent us further down the Reagan trail of "economic growth" with wage/standard of living loss, while accomplishing notable foreign policy successes in Kosovo, Africa, the Middle East, and elsewhere.

They made this world a relatively safe place. The collapse of the Soviet Union could have been very, very scary. It didn't turn out that way. But our standard of living did erode further...

...and it continues to erode under Bush. But now we're actually in danger. Thanks to Iraq, we have the world's largest religion dead set against us. We don't have the troops or international morale needed to take down Iran or isolate South Korea.

In brief, we are fucked. And turning back to a "statesman" from the 1980s is a major mistake. Might as well turn back to the Human League to make rock music work again.

No. We must look forward, but if we must look to the past, well, let's look to Roosevelt. Or at least Johnson and Nixon. NOT Baker III, a forgettable figure.

Wow! The Army released a document today that made fucking sense! 3 years into the Iraq War, the Army finally realizes, or puts into writing, that co-opting the Iraqs is just as important as mildly destroying them. Hm. Well. Now, any asshole who does a half-hour of reading into the history of warfare can tell you that you need to do one of two things to secure a country/region that you conquer:

1.) Destroy the conquered population entirely. Total decimation. Genocide. Worked for the Mongols and the Americans, in dealing with the Native Americans.

2.) Co-opt your foe. Destroy only the tiny handful of implacable enemies, and then make life much better than it was before for the remainder of the populace. We used to do this VERY well, in Germany and Japan in particular.

If we had moved into Iraq with a firm emphasis on strategy #2, would we be eating the shit we are today? Probably not. But, nonetheless, the Army is finally thinking clearly, along these lines.

Here’s the “9 Paradoxes of Counterinsurgency” from their report. If they actually adopt these strategies - and it’s not just up to the Army, it’s mostly up to Congress to appropriate the needed funds, and the taxpayers of this country to support them - we might actually “win” in Iraq. It’s concievable.

1. The more your protect your force, the less secure you are: If military forces stay locked up in compounds, they lose touch with the people, appear to bve running scared and cede the initiative to insurgents.

2. The more force used, the less effective it is: Using substantial force increases the risk of collateral damage and mistakes, and icnreases the opportunity for insurgent propaganda.

3. The more successful counterinsurgency is, the less force that can be used and the more risk that must be accepted: As the level of insurgent violence drops, the military must be used less, with stricter rules of engagement, and the police force used more.

4. Sometimes doing nothing is the best reaction: Often an insurgent carries out a terrorist act or guerilla raid with the primary purpose of causing a reaction that can then be exploited.

5. The best weapons for counterinsurgency do not shoot: Often dollars and ballots have more impact than bombs and bullets. (Bolded emphasis is mine)

6. The host nation’s doing something tolerably better is better than our doing it well: Long-term success requires teh establishment of viable indigenous leaders and institutions that can carry on without significant American support.

7. If a tactic works this week, it might not work next week; if it works in this province, it might not work in the next: Insurgents quickly adapt to successful counterinsurgency practices. The more effective a tactic is, the faster is becomes out of date.

8. Tactical success guarantees nothing: Military a ctions by themselves cannot achieve success.

9. Most of the important decisionsare not made by generals: Successful counterinsurgency relies on the competence and judgment of soldiers and marines at all levels.

I find this report hopeful. I’m not a military expert, so I don’t know if it’s “too late” in Iraq, or what. But I do wish this report had been around 3 years ago. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

The insurgency/rebellion/whatever in Jammu-Kashmir is awesome. It’s total fighting over nothing in one of the most harsh environments on earth. Like, let’s all get together and fight a war between Idaho and Northeast Wyoming. And the USA and newly-born CSA will keep supplying each side with BB guns. That shit should be settled in about 500 years. Absolutely. I’m just glad that two nuclear-armed powers living literally next to each other with over 500 miles of shared border are fighting over a bunch of fucking rocks, which can’t possibly be worth one iota of India’s IT market. Whatever. Did I mention I’m drunk? DHARSHINI DAVID COME BACK I LOVE YOU…

One these days I’m going to get around to writing a “rant” that’s worthy of the name, but in the meantime, I’m gonna pass the time with a little bit of autobiographical fluff.

Dharshini David is the hottest woman on television. She’s hotter than Condi Rice. Most of you reading this are doubtless Americans, and probably have no idea who the hell Dharshini is. Well, she’s the business reporter for the BBC World News. Apparently she used to work for HSBC. She’s erudite, well-educated, and looks like she would make the most incredible lover in the western hemisphere.

Strangely, given the nature of the internet, there are no Dharshini David fansites. I was on the verge of making one myself, but I would need some software to capture high-quality images from streamed television, or what-not, and I possess no such technology.

But in my reception-desk induce google meanderings, I did find a website that some of you who can’t quite get behind straight-ahead porn may find useful: BBC Babes (there’s an internal link to CNN Babes if you want to support our troops by wanking to an American broadcaster).

Needless to say, the pictures of Dharshini don’t do her justice. But they’re there. That’s a start. Dharshini, if you are reading this little spiel, I’m 27 years old, single, love animals, and am looking for a economist to give a lengthy full-body massage to. I can be reached at: jamescall8880@hotmail.com

The rest of you, check out the BBC World News. On Channel 13 at 6 PM and WLIW-21 at 7 PM EST.

Hey kiddies. The gent who put together this website thought it would be a good idea if I had some kind of bloggy/ranting section so you could all be priivy to my innermost thoughts. I guess that’s an ok idea. I don’t really know what to talk about, however.

I would like to mention that as a recent convert to Apple, I’m currently very angry at technology… my ProTools preferences got corrupted somehow… my new iPod doesn’t work properly… I can’t import MP3s into ProTools (that would be an extra grand to purchase)… and here I am using this weird interface called “WordPress” to edit a simple blog on my website… and it doesn’t seem to work.

As they say in modern lingo: “LOL”. Anyways, I’ll have something more interesting to say soon. I promise. Maybe.

;(

James